It's only material

I keep saying that to myself, "it's only material things." If you don't know by know our house was broken into today. We are all safe, but they took several things. I can't understand why these hardened criminals took our daughter's DVDs. NOT dvd player! DVDs! Really? You had to take the few things that two little girls love to watch? I am glad that this did not happen when the girls were here. I am so glad that we are all safe. I could have walked in on the assholes and who knows how that would have turned out.

If I had it my way, thieves would lose body parts when they get caught. Hand, foot, ear, etc... i have no mercy for thieves. 

So besides myself

When things are hard I tend to write well I have something weighing on me and need to write. Warning, this is a tear jerker.

About 10 days ago my wife sent me a text to hurry home. Shewas besides herself in joy. I could hear in her voice. She nearly knocked me over walking through the door as I walked in. In her hand was a small stick. She had just tested positive for pregancy. We both were overjoyed! A third little one, To add in our brood.

In the midst of trying to figure out how were we going to do it we started talking to the girls about this wonderous event. Pooks and Lil'Bitwould clap in enjoyment, me knowing they had no idea what was happening to Mommy.

Then, two nights ago Venus calls me and says shes spotting and cramping. The fear in her voice is devastating. We make an appt with the Dr. They run a test as well and it reads...not pregnant. Says she "may" be miscarrying. WTF? Dr. I'm feeling empty right now, I know what I'm feeling is nowhere near what my wife is feeling. Doc takes a blood sample to "be sure" and they send us on our way.

Both of us are in shock, Venus wanted to take her at home test. We buy one and...PREGNANT! WTF!?

So, we're sitting, waiting, to hear from the Doc. Is number 3 on thier way or not. This such a crappy way to tell the world. My every thought is on my wife. It kills me to see her so lost, not knowing. Pray for her and the little one she may be carrying.

Location:At home ,San Antonio,United States

Calgon, take me away!

We have officially entered the terrible twos. The word for the day is...NO! Everything is, no! We've got a wildhaired, lovely little sassy pants. She HAS to run, jump, hop, dance, yell at the top of her lungs. Sigh. I know that it will settle down but, OMG!


She is in flight in this picture. Her new thing is to jump from the ottoman to her Dora couch.

Any tips????

Fear is the mind killer

Back in early 2007 I wrote a blog entry titled, Fear, here is that blog:

"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain."
Mark Twain

I have always said I'm afraid of being alone. But now to face that fear head on. I don't think I ever faced it before. I've faced other fears and conquers them. But the fear of being alone, wow. That's a biggie! I used to go surfing almost everyday and we used to have to jump off the end of the jetties to get into the surf when it was big or too chopped out. Standing at the end of the jetties with the waves crashing at your feet was scary. You have to time the wve just right so you can slide down the back side of wave then paddle like hell so your not tossed like a rag doll on the jagged rocks. we would watch people who didn't have their timing down and get hammered on the rocks, I did not want to be one of those guys. So you sucked it up and jump. After a few times you are no longer scared , the fear is still there but no longer shaky scared. Why the surfing story you ask? I never faced my fear of being alone. It sucks, the house is empty the phone doesn't ring. I want to get out and do something. This is kind of like when I was the one armed bandit, ha damn broken arm. I can do anything I want but i need to be away from people for a while. I'm not contagious, my leprosy is under control. If I don't do this now I'll never be the same person I was in my past, full of life, loved what i did for a living, loved myself. My self image is no where what it used to be. So how to fix it? I guess back to the gym, work harder at kung fu both are my therapies. Live each day as if it were my last, that's the one! My biggest motto has been Why just stand and watch, live life!

I have to do this for myself, so that I can love fully again. Yes the ability is there to love but how can I trully love another if i don't love myself.. Lots of work. But I have my entire life right?

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear. - Dune by Frank Herbert

Why? Why fear? Fear is the subject of many great philosophers, my favorite...Yoda.
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you." He also said, “Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” You would think that after 800 years you be that you to would have such wisdom, right? You MUST name your fear. Stare it in the face then, KILL IT, or it will own you.

I know people that are scared to death of water, even though they have never been near it. Why? The thought of drowning has overtaken them to the point of not even stepping in the water. Some people are afraid to travel for fear of the unknown. Uh, hello? Traveling gives you experiences that you can NEVER find at home. Yes, you can watch TV and see all these wonderful things, but to actually stand on a Mayan pyramid and to see one on TV are not the same.

Plato's Cave speaks of people chained in a cave. They are compelled to stare at a wall with a fire behind them. All they can see are shadows. To them, the shadows are their reality. How would these people react if those chains were broken and they entered the sunlight? Overwhelmed? Scared? Then they would see the wonders that are around them as they acclimate to their NEW surroundings. Then what would happen if these people went back into their cave? They would see that those shadows were merely shadows and that there is a bigger world around them. This is more about education AND about fear because overcoming fear is educational. Going back to see once you have banished fear that is really is a shadow and not your world. Overcome your fears. Try something new today.

Why just stand and watch? LIVE LIFE!!!

Pick a card

Watching the waves of green grass on the drive up was soothing. I don't think I've ever seen fields so deep green. I thought, what it must have looked like 100's of years ago with out the urban sprawl. The thought of why we were on our way to Dallas weighed heavy on me. I don't think it really hit me until I saw the hearse. As I stood next to my brother, waiting... then my cousins, waiting...the door open and it hit me.

We stood shoulder to shoulder, passing the long handle to my brother, the weight slowly dissolved. As we walked, everything outside my left hand disappeared. I could feel every grain in the wood, the bumps and imperfections of the floor resonated. My heart heavy seeing the pall spread by my Aunt and cousins, the grief in their eyes very familiar. I felt a calm, overcome me. As if a hand placed on my head saying everything will be okay. I have felt that very same feeling only once before.

As we sat in the church I last was in 30 some years ago I reflected...

My earliest memory was watching him and my Aunt Dollie, disco dancing at my grandmothers. I remember walking with my Grandma to visit him at the grocery store. Standing by the big table as he gave me my first "real" football with "Happy Birthday Ricky Love, Uncle Danny", written in marker. I felt so cool riding the lightning bolt skateboard, the one that my brother killed a tooth on. I think my introduction to fitness was in his apartment in Dallas. He had some weights in his room. He had a giant collection of hats he proudly displayed, in the garage. I don't think he was allowed to have them ALL in the house. I once heard him complain, about the time he went hunting with my Dad, he got the stand, no walls in sub freezing weather and sleet. I felt so bad when I poke him in BOTH eyes as we played The Three Stooges. Did he get angry? Nope. After that I realized that Moe poked Curly's brow NOT his eyes. He gave me a deck of cards, Magic cards. I still have them and know how to use them. He wouldn't have it any other way. I remember watching him during his ordination, his blessings. I still have the medallion he blessed especially for me dangling on my truck visor. I say a prayer and rub it every time I get behind the wheel. I was besides myself when he held my daughters, blessed them asked for their protection.

I will miss my Uncle Danny, he was very instrumental in shaping me into the man I am today. I thank God that he put him in my life to teach me patience and understanding. To empathize with the world around me. Can I touch as a many hearts as he did? Can I Let Go as he did?

He is a shining example of what we all should strive for.

Yes, I do truly believe, that was one. But in my heart he has always been a Saint.

In memory of Daniel Covarrubias my Uncle Danny.

Too long...

I've been away from my blog for too long. Lot's has happened in the months I've been away. Another daughter and my school is up and running. Lil'Bit is growing fast too fast for me. Lil'Bit is my name for my second daughter, her big sissy, Pookie, is adjusting well. Trying to build mu my strength from a small illness so I can learn more of my Fu! Working Hua Fists and Butterfly Swords.

If you can you gotta watch 8 masters

Be back soon with more craziness from my world.

Happy Mammakkah!

To all those out there who are Moms, about to be Moms, thinking of being Moms and those that sub in as Moms. Happy Mother's Day. We can never truly appreciate the value of a Mother. She's always there for us even when she's not with us physically. We came from her body so the connection is strong. Moms will fight lions, lift cars stand in the way of death to protect there children. Thank your Mom for everything. Even if you are not speaking to her give her thanks. To all the men out there. Thank your wife for being a mother to your children. She endured alot to bring life to your little one. Her once tight body has stretched and swelled so a little can enter the world. She endured nights of no sleep, kicking, can't breath because the babies under her ribs, sore nipples, stretched out everything. If men had to go through what women do the human race would have died out long ago. Much love out to all Moms. Especially my Mom and my beautiful Wife. Love you from the bottom of my heart.
Rick